stacies83221

Life is a box full of cruel and nice surprises. Considering the odds of ending up with the nice ones, I think what I had was not as bad, although it was sad or disappointing to begin with.. You see, I have finally saw things in a different light. Enlightenment today costs a fortune,people, but this one, it just took quite some time before it came down on me to the rescue. And for that, I am truly thankful...

I have to say goodbye to the old things in life and embrace the new and what's up ahead. Recalling a line or two from a inspirational video sent to me: to find happiness, one had to let the old go to make room for the new or good that will come into ones life. I kinda dig this... Well, it doesn't necessarily apply to everything, but what it really points at is that sometimes, it's wise to just let go and then let the universe figure out itself and replace what had been lost. On the other hand, some things which are already present in your life, these you must hold onto and keep close to your heart. These are the goodies that DO last. But how do you know or handle the balance between knowing what do you should let go or keep? It all boils down to what most matters to you, what is the most essential and of value to you.. Remember those principles, those values you grew up with and you learned as you went by with life... I had to be honest with myself, that my life is not perfect and as much as I want it to be, I couldn't tip off the balance scale to favor me. Sadly, I can't have the best of both worlds. After foiled attempts to re-stabilize that equilibrium, the most logical thing to do is to let it on itself, retain the balance and just leave it the way it was.

Ending this, I am proud of myself and I did say that I did what I had to, what I thought was the best at this time.. To come up with a better solution later, well, I think, would be a couple of more realizations and rethinking in the future, but I am here and I am here right now. Foreseeing and planning for the future is as limited as our humanity. This is the way I see it and this is ME in it.

Hurraah!! Endelig er jeg ferdig med kurset... huufff... det var tuff og krevende. Men,men. jeg virkelig håper at det klarte jeg fint. Men det er ikke noe tid å slappe av ennå fordi jeg har en eksam til neste uke. Den har jeg en stor bekymring over. I hvert fall burde jeg studere og godt forberede meg til det. Du vet at å være en student har noen ups and downs. Prestasjonsangst finnes hele veien. Og selfølgelig er språket kommer som et enormt krav . Men men,det er alltid en god ting å håpe for best og at alt skal lykkes og fungere som den skal. :) Gud, vær så snill å hjelpe meg!!!!

Ever been through something like you don't know what's exactly happening with you? You doubt everything, everyone, even yourself? That you just want to disappear and never come back again? Unexplainable yet it's happening... Well probably, a second puberty! haha well, seriously...

You crave for clarity... definity... certainty. Because you are tired of always finding your way in the dark... always hoping that you'll bump into something you can grab upon and keep you from falling... From stumbling.. because when you hit the ground, you know for yourself that there's no one out there to lend a hand... you have to stand on your own.. Yeah, we're in the "strong, independent women-empowerment"period.. heck! But when you feel that you're alone in the battle, a one-man army.. exhaustion and isolation will take a hold of you sooner or later... I feel I am alone in this battle... I feel always alone. Loneliness and doubt are the best ingredients for stirring up your head!

 LSS! These dreams go on when i close my eyes, every second of the night! hehehe Luv it!

Inspired... feeling good about everything. Living everyday as if it's nothing's gonna go wrong. Inspired to do the things that you do.. the feeling when you are on top of your game.. The confidence in your abilities,... believing in yourself 100x more! It's amazing... and when you feel inspired, use it... harness it. It's what makes you see in color.. every detail and every life surrounding you.. It feels good.

 I will be starting my Nasjonal for Spl. in 2.11 and I am both excited and worried. I know I've come this far in becoming a nurse here in Norway but as we all know, those jitters will never leave you! My good friend Mary Ann who works in Oslo gave the go signal! So it means I can stay with her while I'm there. Of course I have to return to Moss every weekends to get some clothes and wash the soiled ones. Anyway, I really dont know what to expect on the 3-week seminar.. or course.. or whatever you call it.. I know there will be a lot of reading and paperworks involved.. and talk about the test at the end.. Yikes! 



I am a few steps away and there's no turning back.. this is what I came here for and I should finish what I started.. I keep reminding myself that I am strong woman, go-getter... and I should step it up one  or two more notches! Am I this hard on myself? (Well, yeah, I am,, )  I just hate when a current of doubt flows right into my system and I can't flush it out... I am fully aware that I don't know everything and what makes me hate myself more is when I am uncertain. When you have lives of people at stake, there is no room for error. I recall telling my Norsk teacher, Mr. Jacobs, that the reason why I wanna be good with the language is that I want to be the best nurse for my patients and that language is the vital key to that goal.. But now that I am finally getting good grip of it, I started doubting myself...my abilities, my skills.. Not that I forgot them... it's just I am gonna be stepping into another portal or dimension of this profession plus I am a newbie! I don't know what will happen to me... My ex nurse supervisor told me that I can handle the job... she believed in me... then why the heck am I having this useless monologue of self doubt?Probably the reason for this is I am afraid, uncertain if I am ready to take the job... but no one's actually ready for anything, right? So does this mean what I am experiencing right now is NORMAL and is just a glitch in my dysfunctional but perfectly stable system?       

 Love this song...

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 My fave song in the OST of Vision of Escaflowne

Do you remember one of the things you liked when you were younger? Well, I was a big fan of anime before and an anime that I consider one that is etched in my being  is "Vision of Escaflowne", which was aired in 1996 but i got to watch it 1998 or 1999-ish. hehe Anyway, I came across this over the internet and watched it once more.. I really realy liked the story and the characters.. The OST is memorable. Until now I even recall the lyrics of the opening song! Talk about ADDIK!! I suppose one will never outgrow the child within oneself...especially if that  some meaning or made sense in one's life. 

I like the scene when the two protagonists realized that they were in love with each other.. early in the series existed an unexplainable tension between Van, king of Fanelia, and Hitomi Kanzaki (Girl from the Mystic Moon /Earth) and as the story developed, so was their feelings yet unaware until they were separated and realized that they have to see each other once again... It's soo romantic! The story revolves around war, despair, deaths, sacrifices, philosophy, friendship and of course love..  The story was somewhat philosphically and/or scientifically inclined thus quite difficult to follow sometimes but overall, it's worth every minute and worth watching up til the end...

Yay! I got my Norwegian driving license.. I took the driving test and thank goodness I passed it. :) Although now that I am almost broke because the driving hours are soooo expensive... anyway, I am allowed to drive here.. but one problem? NO CAR! hehehe it can wait!

We threw a party for our dear friend and coworker, Urzula. We cooked some Filipino dishes and there, we just kept this fun and simply... FUN! It was a total bummer that she has to leave because of M.K. and i just felt disgusted with the things she had done to her.. but I know even though she has moved back, she's still a friend and a sister. KUDOS to Urzula! We will surely miss you here at Ryggeheimen.

Today is my off and I used entirely the day to destress and unwind. The best way to do it... Biking and sitting by the beach. Yep.. I took the long, winding way, plus the uphills, to Jeløy and there I sat on the beach and watched the sunset. It was relaxing and soothing. I don't know why the sunset has this soothing effect on me.. but it does and it helps me get back on track.. Maybe I am an angel?! (Just like those on the movie, City of Angels hehehe, out of this world.. I know.) I had the time to introspect and reflect on the things I had done the past months. Although I had not gone to chuch since I moved here in Moss, but that moment on the beach, I was able to reconnect with myself and reconcile with God. It's good to have the time for yourself. I should do this more often...

LSS !! You can be a witness, you can be a prophet...

 I have been thinking lately a lot... and to some extent, I have entertained stupid and selfish thoughts..So I turned to Gtalkers for sound advices.

Here are the two best advices I got:

BY PAULO:
The thing about career oriented people is while we're on the road that supposedly leads to success, we get more and more hang-up on Control. I guess that's the downside to career oriented folks. Now it seems that both you and your BF found yourselves on the road to success. It's only understandable that as success oriented people you are also selfish. Which should explain why both of you would rather protect their own careers and is "demanding" that the other put their own on hold. It's unbecoming of a career oriented cut-throat to be thinking of somebody else's welfare above their own, right?

Kidding aside (though I was serious enough above), I guess that somehow, unintentionally, you two are competing with each other. You each want to lead the other, provide for the other, but establish this early on, who's who's b*atch. Unintentionally, Unconsciously, I guess that's the problem with career oriented, young couples.

I think your BF's idea of shelving the decision for later is even smart. Why decide on something you don't agree on when you know that it'll only spark off further arguments? Oh. ... Unless, maybe, just maybe, you are already established in Europe and you want the decision to come right NOW, .... before BF catches up with your success? Again, that's your competitive cut-throat nature taking over.

Career almost always gets in the way of schedules, relationships, and plans. So I suggest that you settle muna your need to succeed, keep your "plans" flexible, and hopefully in time you'll be squared enough to come up with the decision that's workable for both of you.

BY EARL223

Sis sa tingin ko it's all about pride and success.  

You're already in Europe... while he's still back home. Most filipinos jump on the first opportunity to go abroad, more so in your case where supposedly the both of you can be together. But he chose not to, and has decided instead to try his luck in a different country. He wants to make it on his own... that's pride.

You have a career... which you don't want to leave to be with the one you love. You have more or less found the success you were looking for... and nanghihinayang ka kung iiwan mo lang.

Your argument is: You are already successful. Success in Singapore is a big IF. He may succeed or he may fail. If he succeeds, kailan pa yon? If he fails, then what next?

His argument is: If i become successful... will you decide to come and settle in Singapore?

The only thing way to settle this is... a compromise. Let him go to Singapore and let him make it on his own. If he becomes successful... then you MUST leave your work to be with him. BUT, if he fails (after maybe a year or two), then he must come and join you in Europe.

If the compromise is not okay with either of you, then it's time to decide if you want to continue with the relationship for as long as it takes, or just go your separate ways. LDR most seldomly works.
 

I wrote about my situation and I think I had been a little selfish.. Maybe they are right... I have to let him find his place in the sun.. if we are meant for each other, then we'll end up together.. but if the time comes na we're still haven't came to an agreement, then maybe, it's time to part ways...We are still young and a lot of things can happen.. so i hope na we'll be able to resolve this...

I rode my bike around Moss this afternoon and it was sooooo refreshing and stress-relieving.. The wind against my face, the clear sky and the warmth of the sun rays on my face.. It's invaluable.. Maybe, i'll go for another ride again tomorrow? hehe

See here! Our poker night! Ehehehe. Carlo had to learned the game first thought...No money was involved but the game was great.. It as more of an tutorial for Carlo but at least I got to use my poker skills again. ehehehe

I won on the second round..hehe See my chips?

My alarm rang early this morning and I woke up with a terrible headache. Darn. It's just 6am so I lied around for a while for normally it would go away... but it didn't. I placed my hand over my forehead and I knew that I had slight fever. I sent a message to my nurse supervisor, telling that I have stay home because I don't feel well. I took Paracetamol and threw myself to bed. I immediately fell asleep.

I woke up around 11am, my head still aches. I reached for my phone and my aunt had sent a text message asking if I would be home in the afternoon. She replied back telling that she would like to visit me here in Moss around 5pm and that's not a bad idea! I took another tablet and slept again. I woke around 1pm and I was better. I started to get rid of some of my mess here and did some grocery. I cooked chicken tinola especially that it's kinda chilly and raining, fried some mackarell and bought chocolate cake for dessert. They arrived around 6pm. They, meaning Tita Naring, Ate mildred, Richard and Florante (the two guys just arrived recently here in Norway, also nurses from the Philippines). We had a lit chat, ate dinner and then drove to Varnaveien to visit the others. Around 9pm, Kuya Glenn called and they were on their way to Moss from Sweden. So Tita and I left the others at Varnaveien and drove back to my apartment. There I was surpised to with an orchid plant and chocolate cake from kuya and ate digna. We just had a cup of tea and chatted for almost an hour. It was months since I saw them and it was great to have them around here.

Here are the picture we took while my visitors were here...



standing from L-R: Richard, Florante
sitting L - R : Ate Mildre, Tante, Me




L-R: Tante, Kuya Glenn, Ate Digna and Me

See here! Got my poker set yesterday!!! Yahhhhoooo!! After work, I took the train going to Oslo to get it! Worth every penny! hehehehe

Plus I finally also got the chance to do some widow shopping around Oslo city for around an hour but I need to head home because the bus's last trip in Moss is around 10pm. Got home and another surprise and blessing awaited me.....

I decided to buy a poker set!! I was browsing over ebay.uk.co and I was kinda disheartened when I saw the prices plus shipping.. Anyway, I tried my luck at finn.no and exactly today, there was someone who posted up his poker set for a very cheap, price!!! Imagine, originally it's 1500NOK and he sold it to me 300 NOK? Darn, right?? hehehe Here are the pics. I really liked the unique wooden case and the chips are ceramic.. I had my poker set back home in Pinas but I wasn't able to bring it.., hehe Now i smell the air of poker nights! hehe

My dad's celebrating his 60th birthday today and I am thousands of miles away from home... I wanted to be there and join the fun and be a part of that celebration.. My BF sent a message earlier today saying that he's right there at the party and I felt a sudden urge to call him and see how things are there. As expected, there were many visitors and the venue was perfect. Like a nosy 7-year old, I asked him about the details and likes, incessantly... and  I knew that I was  missing home. 

Btw, he was able to shop some shirts from Debenhams yesterday as our combined gift to my dad. I thought he was gonna spend all the money i sent and just add if the cost of the gift goes beyond my price limit, instead, he voluntarily divided the cost into two. And isn't that nice? I wasn't sure what the color or design was but what I really wanted to happen is that my dad at least have nice and quite expensive shirts. Because I know he can afford to buy them but he is just too simple, plain Juan and so thrifty when it comes buying these stuff. (While I am extravagant and always wants the best, or at least). I thought of those times he is meeting with his accomplished colleauges at work and they are wearing those expensive shirt or ties, etc and I see my dad on his department store-shopped shirts, I just wanna melt.. not that I am ashamed of how he looked like, but when you get to know my father, how humble and down to earth he is, I just wanna give something he deserved so many years ago... He has provided for us and supported for many years and now that he is 60, it's probably our turn to, in a way, spoil him.. and my mom too! 


Every dad is the world's greatest dad to his daughter. I am blessed to have a father like him. Luv yah papa!